Funny Stuff!

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Emily delivered early.  The temperatures outdoors well into the sixties.  The next day a snow and ice storm shut down our town.  We were snug inside the hospital so we had Doug’s birthday party in the room.  Just Emily, Bret, me and Maryjane with Papa and a few stuffed animals.  The next day was bright and sunny as they wheeled Emily out and the new baby was placed snug in her car seat.  The only remembrance of the storm on the way home were the trees slathered in snow on only one side.

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The grandparents are all waiting in the hall for the baby to be born.  Bret and I helping Emily through contractions.  Between Doug, Bret’s dad, Brenen, stepmom Susan, Bret’s mom, Dawn, and my girlfriend, Pat, there is a ton of commotion out there.  They get kicked out of the hall.  They then start their incognito act.  Every time a nurse comes by they jump into an empty room, spies on a mission.  Doug paces anxiously by the door to hear signs of crying, giving spy signs back to the hiding grandparents of what is going on.

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Doug and another dad were jaunting down the hall together bantering joyfully when the new dad asked Doug if this was his first.  Doug laughed and said, “First grandchild!”  This surprised the new dad as he finished the conversation with, “Oh.”

The photographer that came in to take pictures of our new supermodel talked whimsically about how she just gave birth here six weeks ago in the same room!  She said they waited a long time before having kids.  She looked pretty young to me so I said, “How old are you?”  She said thirty-seven.  I said, “I’m just a year older than you.”  Really??” was her response.  I imagine she was surprised that she was a new mom and I was a new grandmom but suddenly, with the shock on her face, I felt like I should up my use of anti-wrinkle oil.

As Emily and I sat in the ICU, as they determined that the new baby was perfect, a concerned looking nurse comes in to the room and asks Emily if she has a husband here.  We figured Bret must have finally woken up and was looking for us.  We said yes (no use explaining the logistics of when they will get married) and in walks Doug avidly explaining to the disgusted nurse that he is my husband!  Apparently he stated that his wife and daughter were back there.

A nurse rushes up to me and says, “Are you taking care of yourself?  You look very pale.”  Now, y’all, I am Celtic.  Ok?  My color comes around mid-June.  I calmly looked at her and said that I will make sure to tan this summer.

Nurses run into the room suddenly and check Emily’s hospital bracelet then check Maryjane’s.  I was pretty much in major Mama Bear status the entire trip so I am ready to tackle these ladies if they try to take that baby.  They breathe a huge sigh of relief and leave the room.  I decide to go for my fortieth cup of coffee and behind them in the hall I hear them talking about how the alarm they had placed on her ankle had been going off and they had lost her!  Oy.

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Two pigeons land outside the window and start talking.  Like really talking.  They look like the pigeons from the Animaniacs cartoons.  We take it as a sign of good luck!

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The best one of all though was when the doctors and nurses came in for the thousandth time determined to find something wrong with this tiny baby and decided she had jaundice.  They send in the solemn looking tech who takes the baby’s blood.  The doctor tells us later that the baby is perfect (just as we said) and that her coloring was due to the pajama color she was wearing.  I suppose she will look better in blues!

Meanwhile we get a text in all caps from Shyanne asking what the hell Frankie (the orange tabby) was doing in the same room as the chicks!  He had been in there for about eight hours and came running out as she opened the door.  The loud one must have hollered her head off and scared Frankie.  Luckily, he did not eat the new chickies.

When I got home, I examined the chicks to see how they were doing.  The feed store mentioned that most of this group of chicks has already died.  I notice that the little one’s bottom has prolapsed.  Not great.  Insides should really stay inside.  A few hours later, it was normal.

Well, that was our wacky week.  This week nine more chicks come to join the fold.  I need to start potatoes and peas soon and the world is a beautiful place.

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